My Adoption Advisor

Domestic and international adoption can cost between $20,000 and $40,000 and sometimes even more. Many families search for ways to afford adoption. Fortunately, there are foundations and other organizations that provide adoption grants and loans to families, but it’s not always easy navigating the application process and completing the necessary paperwork. Below are some great tips and a list of items you can prepare in advance so this process operates as smooth as possible.

Top Tips

1. Review applicant requirements prior to applying. Most organizations require applicants to have a completed home study, work with a licensed agency, and have U.S. citizenship.

2. Most organizations want similar information. You will save tremendous time and effort by typing and saving your answers to application questions. For each application with a question that is similar to one you have already answered, you can then begin with your previous answers instead of always starting from scratch. (See the Information to Prepare section below.)

3. Gather all of the documents that need to be copied — tax returns, home study, letters of reference, etc. — and make at least 10-15 copies of each document. When possible make double-sided copies to cut down on bulk and associated postage costs.

4. Purchase envelopes large enough to hold your documents (10” x 13”).

5. Create an “Adoption” folder on your computer. Make several sub-folders (e.g., “Grants,” Loans,” etc.) and then make a folder for each individual grant, loan, etc. Save all application files in the corresponding folder. This may seem excessive, but it will save you from a lot of stress down the road.

6. Print applications.

7. Organize applications in order of due date.

8. Check and double-check all application checklists and due dates. Some applications don’t have a due date, but others need to be postmarked by a certain date.

9. Check and double-check all application content, too!

10. Remember to sign everything and make sure your spouse or partner, if appropriate, does the same.

Information to Prepare

TESTIMONIES AND STATEMENT OF FAITH: Many foundations are religious-based and require the adoptive couple’s testimonies and statement of faith.

TAX RETURNS: Almost all of the organizations request copies of your tax returns from the previous 2 years (just the first two pages in most cases). It’s a good idea to keep multiple copies easily accessible.

HOME STUDY: All organizations will want a copy of your home study. Make double-sided copies of your home study to cut the bulk and save postage costs.

PICTURES: Some organizations ask for a picture of your family and of the child you are adopting, when possible. It’s a good idea to have good photos on quality photo paper on-hand when you need them rather than having to scrounge and dig through outdated photos to find a suitable picture.

PERSONAL FAMILY BUDGET/MONTHLY CASH FLOW: You will need to make sure you have a working and current family budget. Use a spreadsheet program like Excel so you can easily print one every time an application asks for cash flow. (NOTE: A Child Waits Foundation will only accept applications on its forms. Most other places do not care if the information is on their form as long as the information requested is provided). Organizations want to see a detailed list of all your debts and assets and then a calculation of net worth.

MOTIVATION TO ADOPT: Most organizations will ask for a statement explaining your desire to adopt in general. In some instances they may request your reasons to adopt “this particular child” (for example, when adopting a special needs or waiting child).

LETTERS OF REFERENCE: You will also need letters of reference from trusted sources, such as:

• Your clergy
• Co-worker or employer
• Neighbor
• Friend
• Mentor
• Small group leader

Make a list of people you might want to ask and who know your character well. Who has served an important role in your life? Who would write a quality letter for you? Who has an occupation/role that would weigh heavy in the mind of the application reviewer? Ask the appropriate individuals on your list if they would be willing to write a letter and make sure to give them guidance.

Some foundations ask for specific things that may require a unique letter. There’s no getting around it. However, if you can give your recommendation writers a short list of the things that need to be mentioned in the letter they can write a generic letter addressing all areas. It could be addressed “To Whom It May Concern:” so you can copy it multiple times and won’t have to keep asking them to crank out a letter every time you fill out a new application.

All of these tips come from Cherri Walrod, the Founder of Resource4Adoption.
Resources4Adoption maintains a list of active adoption grants and loans and provides it for free to families who are looking for ways to afford their adoption.

by Guest Blogger Tracey Citron

In early May 2010 my husband, Dan, and I were approved to adopt and began what we believed would be a long journey to find our adopted child. Knowing that two-thirds of the domestic adoptions our agency processed in 2009 were designated adoptions, or those that were matched outside of the agency’s “book,” I knew that our personal networking and advertising were going to be important parts of the process so I signed up to go to an all-day outreach seminar hosted by our agency.

At that seminar, Hal Kaufman from My Adoption Advisor was the opening speaker. He made some very valid points regarding outreach, one of which became my mantra while developing our outreach strategy:

You don’t wait for a job. You look for a job.
So why would you WAIT to adopt?

We were not waiting to adopt. We were looking to adopt. This was a very important distinction, in my opinion. In addition to the resources I developed we submitted a profile on a national hosting site and I placed some online ads on Craigslist in states where I knew it was legal to do so. I also placed a print ad in a southwest Twin Cities Metro publication and put a huge graphic on the back window of my car advertising our desire to adopt.

I’m fortunate that my husband owns a large-format printing company specializing in vehicle graphics (visit Speedpro Imaging if you are interested) and was able to print and install this graphic for me. We also made some smaller, less “in-your-face” magnetic bumper stickers and put them on the cars of willing friends and family members.

After I was pleased with the website and had all of our business cards and 4” x 6” postcards printed I sent a message to everyone I know to tell them that we are looking to adopt. I asked them to post our intent on their Facebook pages or distribute our business cards and/or postcards in their community. I basically began a marketing campaign to find an expectant parent who was considering adoption and might consider us to parent their child. I would leave my business card with the bill when we were out at a restaurant, park my car at very busy intersections where I knew my window graphic would not be missed, and slip in the fact that we are looking to adopt into EVERY conversation I had. We took the “shotgun” approach – letting as broad of an audience know what we were working toward to maximize our chances for a faster match.

We still intended to go into our agency’s book, just to cover all of our bases, so I finished our profile. The day after I submitted all of the paper work to go into the agency’s book we got “the call.” This was just 5 weeks after we received our home study approval! It also happened to be my birthday.

This young lady from out of state was 4 months along and considering an adoption plan for her baby. We talked for quite some time and she was blown away by the fact that it was my birthday. She considered it a “sign” and did not contact the other 4 families she had on her list.

I asked her where she found us (assuming the national profile hosting site) and she said Craigslist. I was shocked. I launched a massive marketing campaign and what worked was a free on-line ad? But I knew that if I had not done all of that other stuff this would not have worked out the way it has. We had to really put ourselves out there.

The baby is due in early December so we are not 100% sure what will happen, but we’ve developed a great rapport with the expectant woman and have plenty of resources in place should this not work out. Assuming it does work out, I received one heck of a birthday present this year thanks to some hard work and determination!

by Guest Blogger Harvey SchweitzerAlthough prospective adoptive families want to adopt with as little uncertainty as possible, they cannot eliminate it entirely. Paternity and addressing birth father rights is often a source of uncertainty for families.

At one end of the spectrum is a married birth mother whose husband, as the only possible birth father, intends to consent. At the other end is a birth mother who claims to know the birth father, yet refuses to disclose his name because “he will not be cooperative.” Other risk factors include rape not reported to the police, one night stands, married women whose husband is not the father, and named fathers who cannot be located. One’s assessment of adoption risk is always, of course, affected by the truthfulness of the birth mother.

To help identify and manage the uncertainties related to birth fathers, prospective adoptive families are best served by working toward answering questions such as:

• Can or will the birth mother identify the birth father?
• If he can be identified, can he be located?
• What is his position on the adoption?
• Will he consent?
• Will he deny that he is the birth father?
• Will he express an interest in parenting the child himself or in having his parents take custody of the child?

Birth fathers start out with the same legal rights as birth mothers. They have a right to parent their child and a right to object to an adoption of their child. Adoption law has processes for establishing and terminating a birth father’s parenting rights, but the law does not eliminate all uncertainly. Furthermore, state adoption laws differ, sometimes materially, in terms of requirements and processes for providing birth fathers with a formal notice of a planned adoption and in terms of birth father rights to object to the adoption.

After prospective adoptive families determine the facts surrounding paternity, they then need to determine which state laws will apply:

• Where will the baby be born?
• Where will the placement decision be made?
• Where does the prospective adoptive family live or where will the adoption be filed?

The applicable laws can make a significant difference in assessing the risk and resolving paternity problems. For example, some states condition birth father rights on birth fathers accepting financial responsibility for the child and expressing interest in becoming a father “pre-birth.” Other states have “paternity registry” laws that require birth fathers to register their name within a certain time fame or risk forfeiting whatever rights they might have been able to claim.

If there is a possible birth father whose rights are intact, state law may require diligent efforts to locate and serve him. If personal service of the birth father is impossible or if the birth father’s name is not known, then service by publication or by posting to the Internet may be required. If it is claimed that a birth father is unknown, then affidavits to that effect may be required.

If a birth father is identified he may need to be contacted or served. Once contacted or served he can:

• cooperate and consent
• ignore the notice, thereby waiving his parental rights
• object and potentially seek a paternity test (the response to a request for a paternity test varies by state).

A contested adoption occurs when an objecting birth father is legally entitled to claim parental rights, but the adoption can be granted if the birth father is unfit to parent the child. The outcome will turn on when the birth father objected, the particular facts of the case, and the applicable laws. Sometimes state law will not permit an adoption to proceed if a “fit” birth father objects. Even if an adoption is legally possible, few prospective adoptive families wish to undertake expensive and lengthy litigation that they might not win. If the adoption does not occur, the birth father may obtain custody or the birth mother will reclaim the child (a custody contest between the birth mother and birth father may ensue).

The reality is that there are many women who really do not know who or where the birth father is. There are also women who know who the birth father is, but say what needs to be said so that he does not become involved. There are, of course, nightmare situations that grab the media’s attention, such as the consenting birth mother who, after claiming that the birth father was unknown, suddenly re-appears after a few months now married to the birth father and seeking “their child back.”

It is important to remember that birth fathers rarely thwart adoptions. Either the birth fathers consent, they are served with notice and either consent or do not bother to respond, or unknown birth fathers or birth fathers who cannot be found do not appear after notice is published or mailed to a last known address.

From the prospective adoptive family’s standpoint, what needs to be stressed is the need to get as much information as early as possible. From there one can obtain professional help to assess the “risk” based on careful analysis of the law and facts.

Harvey Schweitzer practices law in Maryland and the District of Columbia. His practice focuses on children’s issues such as adoption, foster care, and child abuse, as well as providing representation to social workers and child-serving agencies in areas such as “best practices,” risk management, and licensing. Mr. Schweitzer is a Fellow of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. You can e-mail him at lawharvey@gmail.com or visit his website at www.schweitzerlaw.net.

Learn about the only available training course on
identifying red flags and avoiding scams.
Complete the course and adopt more safely.

Adoption fraud refers to any form of intentional misrepresentation or an illegal act in the area of adoption. Prospective birth families, pre-adoptive families, and adoption professionals are each capable of adoption fraud:

• A prospective birth mother may promise her unborn child to multiple pre-adoptive families and accept money from each family while having no intention to make an adoption plan for her child.
• A pre-adoptive family may promise a certain level of openness and not follow through on their commitment.
• An adoption agency may require pre-adoptive families to pay exorbitant fees and then not provide the services promised.

Each of these has occurred and although adoption deceit and fraud are not the norm, they do happen. The purpose of this article is to help pre-adoptive families avoid being defrauded by prospective birth families.

It is important to state up front that it is perfectly legal and ethical for someone to explore the idea of adoption with an adoption professional or with a pre-adoptive family and then decide against adoption. It is also legal and ethical for a woman to make an honest adoption plan with a family and then change her mind before birth or even after placement if still within the legal risk period. Even though these situations may be difficult for prospective adoptive families, they are not examples of deceit or fraud.

When it comes to avoiding true fraud, we believe the advice given by Kelly Kiser-Mostrom, author of the book The Cruelest Con, is both simple and right on: educate yourself, know who you are working with, and thoroughly research your options and the laws. Although she was defrauded by a facilitator and the book was published in 2005 (and a lot has changed since then), her advice still holds true.

Educate Yourself

Educate yourself about common tactics that scammers use, how to research prospective birth families, and ways to protect yourself from being defrauded. We listed just a few things you should consider below, but you will find even more helpful ideas in the Informational Resources section.

• Search for the prospective birth family’s name using Google. Look for information on Facebook, MySpace, and other social media platforms, too.
• If a prospective birth family shares their phone number, do a reverse lookup to get the name and address associated with the number. Keep in mind that the caller may be using a friend or relative’s phone or may not be living in the same city that the phone number is linked to. Regardless, getting this information can help you verify facts that the caller shares with you.
• If someone electronically sends you a picture, right-click on the image to get the file name and then do an Internet image search on the name. Some scammers will take images from the Internet (including ultrasound images) and use them as their own.
• Join forums and Facebook pages where prospective adoptive families share their experience with scammers. Not only will you learn about additional scam tactics, but you will also hear about scams that are active. Since scammers can attempt to defraud multiple prospective adoptive families at the same time, being aware of active scams is important.
• Protect your privacy and do not share confidential or identifying information. This includes your last name, where you work, your home or regular mobile phone number (they can do a reverse lookup on your number just as easily as you can do one using their number), and your home address.
• Never give prospective birth families money. Either pay a provider directly (landlord, doctor, electric company, etc.) or better yet, ask your adoption attorney or agency to process payments to providers on your behalf. Make sure you get bills and receipts of payment.

Remember, some expectant parents make adoption plans when red flags are waving all over the place and other adoptions fall through when no one noticed one red flag at all. The point, however, is to emotionally and financially protect yourself by being aware and by managing your expectations.

Know Who You Are Working With

If a prospective adoptive parent tells you that she is pregnant, sends you a picture of herself so you can see that she is pregnant, and sends you an ultrasound image of the baby (even with her name and a recent date on the image), that is not enough proof.

• Try to meet prospective birth families face-to-face to best judge their honesty and intentions.
• Ask expectant parents who contact you to meet or speak with your attorney or social worker. Someone who is truly interested in learning about adoption and making an adoption plan should be open to doing this.
• Obtain proof of pregnancy. If someone says they will do this and always has a reason why they have not done so yet, they may not be pregnant.

Research Your Options and the Laws

Adoption laws vary by state and even the same law can be interpreted by the courts differently in different states. It is incredibly important to work with an attorney in your home state and ensure that you and the expectant parents have access to an attorney in the expectant parents’ state. Remember that you and the expectant parents should not share the same attorney. A great source for finding an experienced adoption attorney is the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys.

Prior to speaking with an attorney, consider researching adoption laws yourself. Doing so should not take the place of talking to an experienced attorney, of course, but understanding the relevant laws just a little bit will allow you to ask an attorney more specific questions and will help you better understand the attorney’s answers.

The Child Welfare Information Gateway is a great place to learn about adoption law because the website makes it easy to select a specific state and particular aspect of adoption law. Some important areas to understand include: Consent to Adoption, Regulation of Private Domestic Adoption Expenses, and Rights of Presumed (Putative) Fathers.

Final advice

At the end of our adoption outreach workshops we offer some advice to the group that I think is important to share here. We encourage families to enjoy the good fortune that will come their way, but we also suggest that they manage their expectations.

Until you have a placement, it’s just a match. Until you have a match, it’s just a lead. You cannot have a placement without the match and you cannot have a match without a lead so you should definitely celebrate each step, but it is also true that not every lead will result in a placement.

Finally, if you take only one thing from this article, then let it be this: Whether you are pursuing a private adoption or working with an agency while also doing your own networking and advertising, the best way to manage the risk of being defrauded by a prospective birth family is to work closely with an experienced adoption professional. They are less emotionally involved and they have the experience to identify red flags and help you manage the risks.

Informational Resources

Creating a Family is a non-profit organization that provides information about infertility and adoption. In July 2010 they did a radio show called Avoiding Domestic Adoption Scams. The guests included an adoption attorney and an adoptive mother and victim of an adoption scam. The adoptive mother shared some great advice, much of which is in an article she wrote titled Adoption Scammers: What You Can Do to Avoid Falling Prey.

ACBAdoptions.com provides some good tips on their adoption scams page regarding birth mother, adoptive parent, and adoption professional scams.

CBS News did a piece on adoption scams called How to Spot an Adoption Scam. It was done almost 5 years ago, but the advice is still good: research the birth mother, be careful with money, and look for red flags.

Scam-Related Forums

There is an adoption scam group on Yahoo! Groups that is moderated by ABCAdoptions.com. Members of the groups share information about potential and real scammers. You can learn from others and use this group to research potential birth families who contact you.

There is a Facebook group called Avoiding Adoption Scams that people use to share emails and photos and other identifying information of scammers.

There is a forum on Adoption Voices called How to Avoid Being Scammed that contains people’s experiences with scams.

by Guest Blogger Harvey Schweitzer

Adoption advertising refers to publishing an interest in adopting or the availability of a specific child for adoption. Prospective adoptive families advertise their desire to adopt in newspapers, on bumper stickers, on the Internet, and many other places. If you are thinking about an “advertising strategy,” below are a few things to consider.

The laws in the state where you live determine what you can or cannot do in your state, but not what you can or cannot do in another state. If you live in a state that prohibits advertising you can advertise in any state that allows it; however, even if your state allows advertising you will not be able to advertise in a state that prohibits it.

The laws on advertising differ from state to state. Some states may have no laws at all regulating advertising. Some states prohibit advertising by individuals seeking to adopt. Other states, however, allow ads by adopters or agencies while prohibiting ads by lawyers or those acting as unlicensed facilitators or intermediaries. Some states do not allow ads placed by out of state agencies.

The majority of states allow advertising by adopters as long as the content is not a violation of state law – for example, by offering to make a prohibited payment, such as living expenses in a state that does not allow those to be paid. Some states allow adopters to place an ad that informs those responding to contact someone other than the adopter, such as a lawyer.

States can impose other restrictions. For example, some states require the adopter/advertiser to have a formal relationship with an adoption agency in that state. Usually this means that the local agency certifies that the adopters have a valid current home study. Newspapers and those who assist in placing ads can also impose requirements such as a letter from the adopter’s lawyer (proving you are getting legal advice). Sometimes the “lawyer letter” must state something specific, for example, a statement that the adopters have been advised regarding the relevant laws concerning advertising.

The Internet is not nearly as regulated as other media, but there are states that purport to restrict adoption advertising on the web. The authority of a state to do so and the effect of such regulation are debatable. For example, a state can prohibit adoption ads in newspapers originating in that state, but a state cannot prevent the sale or distribution of a newspaper with such ads that originates in another state. Therefore, it could be argued that a state could attempt to prohibit adoption ads from being placed on a web site by an entity located in that state that hosts or controls the site.

In any event, being able to advertise on the Internet is an opportunity and a risk. It is an opportunity because it allows a lot of adopter information to flow rapidly and cheaply to the target population. The risk is that widespread distribution may increase the chance of people attempting to defraud adopters. People claiming to be making an adoption plan may have no intention of doing so or unscrupulous people pretending to be bona fide professional may do nothing or very little for their fees. It is important that adopters work closely with their adoption professional to identify and manage these types of risks.

Some people also plan their advertising based in part on the adoption laws of the target state. For instance, some states allow non-residents to adopt and some do not. Some states provide for court enforced “post-adoption” contact agreements and some do not. Do you want to adopt in a state that allows such agreements? Are you prepared to pay birth mother living expenses or do you prefer to adopt in states that do not allow them? Planning ahead is surely a good idea, but keep in mind that no one can predict who will respond to an ad. It is not uncommon for a response to come from someone living in a state other than the target state. In the case of newspaper advertisements, for example, this may happen because a newspaper places its ads “on line” or someone mails an ad to a friend or relative. Therefore, regardless of where you advertise you must be ready to take advantage of opportunities as they happen, no matter what you anticipated.

Advertising works. Just be sure that you pay attention to any restrictions and prohibitions and be ready to move quickly when the time comes.

Harvey Schweitzer practices law in Maryland and the District of Columbia. His practice focuses on children’s issues such as adoption, foster care, and child abuse, as well as providing representation to social workers and child-serving agencies in areas such as “best practices,” risk management, and licensing. Mr. Schweitzer is a Fellow of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. You can e-mail him at lawharvey@gmail.com or visit his website at www.schweitzerlaw.net.

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, recently published an article I wrote titled “Developing a Strong Family Profile.” They published it in their Spring 2010 newsletter called RESOLVE for the journey and beyond.

In the article I cover 3 important tips that will help prospective adoptive families strengthen their adoption profile.

1. Write From the Heart, Not to an Audience. Be genuine with what you write and do not “target” your message to any particular group. Remember, you may just as easily meet a teenager on your adoption journey as you are to meet a 30 year old woman with 2 kids.
2. Show More Than Tell. This tip highlights the importance of telling short stories instead of simply listing facts. Anecdotes are more memorable and more likely to strike a connection with the reader. Many families writes a short, factual statement similar to the first example below. Compare this to the second example, however, and you will see the power that even a one-sentence story can have.
   • “Sue likes to cook.”
   • “Nothing beats the sweet smell of Sue’s homemade caramel rolls fresh out of the oven on a brisk Sunday morning.”
3. Include Attention-Grabbing Photographs and Captions. If you were going to read 5, 10, or 15 or more family profiles, would you really read every word from front to back or would you develop some kind of shortcut to get through them more quickly? When you read magazines, newspapers, or websites pages, how do you decide what to read in detail?

The truth is that most of us tend to use pictures to make an immediate judgment as to whether we want to commit to reading an article. The same holds true for expectant parents who are reading tons of profiles. They are likely to look at the first few pictures first, then the captions for those pictures, then the other pictures and captions, and then, only if the pictures and captions are making a connection with the expectant parents, will they commit to reading the text. That’s why pictures are captions are incredibly important.

If you thought these were useful tips, please read the entire article and in fact, read the entire newsletter. RESOLVE always includes some wonderful, thoughtful articles and this edition is no different.

We have all heard the saying that you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression, right? That is exactly why families must create an outstanding adoption profile.

We offer more tips and many examples in our adoption profile course. We also provide professional profile reviews and graphic design expertise for those who want additional one-on-one support with this important part of the adoption process.